don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
