When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
