Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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