Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
