I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
