4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
