I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
