first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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