I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This baby is an asshole
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
