Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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