Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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