I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
