You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
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With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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