He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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