Someone shit on the floor
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
