youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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