i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
