i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have aggressive nipples.
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