my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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