You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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