I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
