Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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