My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize