You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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