There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
