So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
