My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
