Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
