i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
