This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
