I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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