Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
