you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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