I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS