I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...