Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!