So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger