So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again