Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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