wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
