He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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