I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
