people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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