Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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