I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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