there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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