If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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