I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
