Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
