you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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