It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
