Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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