Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
