opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is wine microwaveable?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize