i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
last night I used snow as a chaser
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
