tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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