just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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