I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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