Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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