I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
