does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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