Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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