I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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