This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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