Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
