I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
