why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize