Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize