I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
