I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
