We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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