she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
