I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
