DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
