He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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