I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
