I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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