Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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