you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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