Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
