is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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