Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
