Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You are the jesus of drinking
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need water and some morals
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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