There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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